


See You Again

by giwp



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon Timeline, Canonical Character Death, Character Development, First Love, Hand Jobs, M/M, Reference of Manga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-02 02:16:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4041904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giwp/pseuds/giwp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been years since the day the walls were hit. Jean reminisces on certain things he refuses to forget. </p><p>It's been a long day without you my friend<br/>And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again<br/>We've come a long way from where we began<br/>Oh I'll tell you all about it when I see you again</p>
            </blockquote>





	See You Again

**Author's Note:**

> I changed the title of this bc holy wow does [the standalone version of See You Again](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyATPGXU06s) remind me of Jean and this fic. So listen to that while you read and then come punch me afterwards because all you can do is imagine Jean singing to himself in the middle of the night

It was the first day of training when he’d met Marco Bodt. Well it wasn’t the typical “hello. My name is Jean” situation that striped every normal mingling opportunity. It was more circumstantial in that role was being taken and Marco had become the brunt of Shadis’s attention for his roaming eyes. It was understandable, the way his dark brown eyes traveled across the new faces of kids his own age, but Shadis felt it was insubordinary of him to do just that and had called him out in front of the lot of them. Even as he’d gotten chewed out for looking as though he wasn’t given a damn, his eyes kept skirting around looking the Commanding officer in the eyes.

It was cute to say the least. Watching as Marco’s eyes tended to linger the longest on light brown and stayed locked on the deeply set eyebrows on Jean’s face long after Shadis left his side.

XXX

He used to roll around in his sleep a lot. The shifting and unsettling and settling of his sheets as the night went by. Minutes of fumbling with himself would turn into hours as Jean was forced to stare at the back of Marco’s head just a couple of feet away.

They’d been assigned bunks right next to each other which meant being just an arm’s distance away from each other for the entire night.

It would’ve been a comfortable position for Jean – time for him to rest knowing that some creep like Jaeger wasn’t tented up next to him – but it’d been the worst on those nights when Marco’d decided to become the pain in his ass. It usually wasn’t too bad and Marco would lay down for the night and knock the fuck out. But then there were the nights where even the hours of running drills and flying through the air on the maneuver gears and slashing through the napes of wooden titans couldn’t get the guy to settle in his bed.

He would squirm and mumble to himself in his half-sleep state and no one other than Jean apparently was ever affected by how obnoxious every move he made really was. Jean doubted Marco even knew how annoying it was getting to be.

It could go on for hours and even if sleep finally fell upon Jean, it would take just an hour or two before he was woken again in the dead of night to the sights of a certain freckled boy far closer than he was before, his hands lingering in the small space between them but closer enough to reach the extra inch and graze them against shallow cheeks.

It was the perfect picture to push the guy away, make a scene big enough to wake the whole barracks and warrant a change of bunks to get away from such “gay” behavior. But Jean never did. The part between Marco’s lips letting out the small whistle of sleep and warm breathy air made Jean comfortable in the small space. For some reason he’d felt good about sharing the space with Marco; knowing that there was someone close by to be there when he woke up the next morning.

He’d let it go that first night the cool breeze of the summer air had woken him up to the addition of Marco’s breathing along his cheeks. He kept letting it go as the distance shrunk over the span of weeks and Marco would become less embarrassed about waking up with arms wrapped around the shorter blond boy and more well-rested.

He didn’t shift around in his sleep anymore.

XXX

The missions were sometimes day trips out to neighboring towns to pick up supplies and food rations. Other times they were real missions that involved an end goal and could possibly last a couple of days to a full week of walking around the vast space the walls allowed them have.

This time around, a crate had gone missing after a raid had occurred during the last supply run. Crooks had attacked the carriages and according to their higher-ups, everything had been recovered and the criminals captured except for the sole crate that held their replacement blades for the newer recruits that had joined the last months. The mission wasn’t meant to take too much time, most of it spent on traveling than actual searching but it had warranted a night out in the “wild”. A night that Jean didn’t appreciate one bit.

“It’s too fucking cold to be out fucking searching for a missing crate of gear,” Jean muttered to himself. He rubbed his hands together and breathed his warm but-still-too-cold breathe over them. He laid them out over the meager fire that Marco and Armin had started over in a shaded area of the flat planes. The place was a barren wasteland with just the few trees here and there that covered the scape just barely. It made Jean wonder and scowl at how the hell the original supply runners had managed to not spot the criminals the first time.

Marco sat down next to him, their knees close enough to knock together if Jean were to swing just an inch to the side. Instead he kept to his side of the log and let his arms rest on his thighs as he hunched forward to get closer to the fire.

Marco chuckled to himself as he’d watched Jean scowl hard at the meager flames and the growl coming from his empty stomach rumbled in the silence. “Well since you’re so cold,” he started. Jean looked over at him as Armin threw a can of something towards Marco’s open palm. Marco caught it easily and flashed the can at Jean with an even shinier smile across his face that could’ve blinded and caught attention to anyone searching for a light signal from a mile away. “I say we open the good stuff and have ourselves our own little party.”

Jean smirked at the grin still stretched on Marco’s face and sat upright to grab the can from Marco. He rolled it in his hands, his eyes just barely glancing at the writing and ingredients inside the can before tossing it over to Eren and Connie. They were in charge of cooking for the mission anyway. Connie fumbled with the can for a second but once steady he looked up at Jean who pointed a slightly warmer finger over at Marco who’d moved to grab at his knapsack. “You heard the man.”

Connie smiled and he and Eren began the process of cutting cans and throwing them into the large pot to get the food heated and ready while making sure Sasha was restricted to cleaning and crushing cans and not taste-testing the entire pot.

Jean’s mood lightened just the slightest as everyone fell into their own tasks. Armin and Mikasa had helped Jean and Marco with setting up the tents and were allowed to time to sit out and wait for dinner while the boys cooked. They all huddled close to the fire as the wind whipped around them and Jean slowly felt the feeling return back to his toes as his fingers stayed heavy on the fence about coming back to the real world of the working or falling prey to frostbite.

It wasn’t long before he’d started losing awareness of the things around him after everything was eaten and put away and Marco’s hands had joined his in front of the fire. Not in the way that you could say they hovered close by enough that their pinkies could touch but rather that Marco had somehow wiggled his way into sliding his fingers into the grooves between Jean’s. Their entwined hands holding heavy between their legs as close as they could get to the fire without bringing too much attention that they were in fact holding hands.

Jean was immune to it for he didn’t know how long until the realization hit him and the faint blush in the tips of his ears spread like the fire in front of his and traveled down his face and neck and warmed his through his chest.

A fire could do wonders on a person’s body temperature.

XXX

Marco somehow always knew.

Momma wasn’t technically that far away.

She’d managed to gain her way onto the grounds to hand over some of her famous omelettes but it was days like today where it sometimes got to Jean that he’d left home to join the goddamn army just because he’d gotten tired of how much his mother would pester him.

It had been selfish of him to just up and leave and worry his mother so much and it bit at Jean whenever he was having a bad mental health day. And just…

Marco somehow always fucking knew when those days happened to run.

It was like he had programmed Jean’s PMS cycle into his brain and was running his own days accordingly.

Whatever Marco was doing to make sure to be there was fine by Jean. He welcomed the warm hugs that reminded him so much of the open arms his mother gave whenever Jean came home with scrapes and bruises. It reminded him for a second that he wasn’t so far from home. That the feeling of home and possibly love wasn’t such a far reach.

And the strain he felt as he felt eyes on them was comfortable as he imagined Marco giving death looks at Jaeger when they were found in that situation.

XXX

It’ll be a year since they were first inducted into the 104th training squad. The stress of training and managing the school aspects with the looming threat of attack on their shoulders left many of them teetering on their toes.

It was with that on the mind that Jean had agreed to the walk in the dead of night.

He normally wouldn’t have evaded his bed after a long day of bruising and cuts from the maneuver gear but the idea of spending an hour outside in the dark with Marco, just them alone together, made up for it in his rash decision.

The two boys paced their way along the edges of the trees until finally deciding to make the plunge to go further away from the barracks. If they were caught outside in the dead of night, might as well make it worth it.

Their nights were usually solemn, quiet and comfortable as they stayed side by side and balanced each other. It was like they were meant to just be next to the other as they made tracks in the slightly dewy earth. The sounds of their feet in the mud and the general sounds of the crickets chirping in the distance and night air breezing away making little noise in Jean’s ears over the few conversations he remembered having.

They mostly talked about the Military Police Brigade; their plans once they’d graduated out of training to work in the inner walls after making Top 10. They made grand plans that involved finding a place to possibly rent together and hopefully have scheduled their patrol hours around the others. It was all sounding so domestic and Jean could tell that Marco was soaking it all in with a smile just as much as he loved the idea of it all.

They spoke of the future like there was nothing in between them but a few more years of sleeping next to each other and training right alongside the other. They would be inseparable right into the inner walls and Jean’s heart swelled with the idea that this could all be so real. All so close to possibility. So close.

His lips grazed Marco’s before either of them could have even gotten a chance to say a single word. The warmth of Marco’s meeting Jean’s slightly wetter form that lasted but only a second but enough for them both to pull back with embarrassment written on their faces.

Jean’s hands immediately went up to graze the edges of his hair at the nape of his neck. An involuntary reaction Marco had pointed out was new after the first few weeks they’d first started using blades on the large wooden titan dummies. He bit his lower lip and lowered his gaze to their feet. He watched his own shuffle around in the sparse grass and twigs around them as Marco’s held still, toes pointed directly at him. “I-I’m sor- I don’t know why I did that,” he stammered out quietly. His voice was meek compared to its usual lilt. Taking a deep breathe that could’ve probably inflated one of those balloons that he remembered seeing in children’s book, Jean turned his gaze up to Marco’s. Without giving much thought to the sobered expression looking back him, Jean opened his own mouth. “I don’t know why bu-but I don’t regret it.”

The breath of silence between them grew. It grew into minutes that made Jean squirm even more and made him cave into turning his away from Marco’s analyzing eyes towards the horizon beyond his shoulders. They’d made it to the ridge of the hill above the lake nearby. Jean’s eyes widened as he looked out over the ledge at the sparkle of the water below that refracted the light of the moon so beautifully he could only imagine how it would look reflected into Marco’s brown eyes.

Jean squeezed his own eyes shut and let himself take deep breathes at the thought. The sounds of the water lapping at the shoreline was too far away to make out over the roar of his heartbeat and blood pumping through his ears. The buzz of the night bugs on duty and the occasional chirp from a frog made him open his eyes just the slightest as he stared back down at his own hands.

Marco hadn’t said a word since the kiss. It’s probably been minutes since it’d happen and the anticipation was going to wear Jean straight into the mud to lay with the worms and beetles if he didn’t do something. Blinking a couple times and willing his entire being to move, Jean lifted his head intent on asking why Marco was taking so long to say something. Instead he came face to face with that same delirious smile that he’d grown to fall so hard for looking down at him. The goofy tilt of his lips as his cheeks rose so high they threatened to close his eyes entirely if he smiled too hard.

Jean felt himself let out a breath he didn’t know he was even holding. He sighed heavily, filling the space between them with expelled nerves and anxiety and listened to Marco’s deep chuckling as he slid his eyes closed for a second.

They opened again to find Marco’s hands interlaced with his own and he gripped back tight as Marco led them back towards the barracks.

XXX

They went out every chance they could find after that.

Weaving their way out of the eyes of anyone that could possibly tattle on them, hand in hand. They strode through groups of stragglers coming back from having run laps around the perimeter, laughing about whatever they thought was so funny when the night around them sung beautiful melodies that left both boys a giddy mess by the time they made it earshot away.

They’d walk the same path they’d laid out that faithful night, choosing to relive that first-time embarrassment and reminisce on what it had started and promised. Leaving electrified touches along the trunks of trees that held their marks, small etches of initials too small to make out on first sight but easy enough and at eyelevel for both of them to always remember to look up for. The permanent scratches reminding them to keep their heads held high for what was supposed to come. Their own vows to each other that meant far too much for a couple of fourteen year olds.

They’d come back the way they’d led out and as the routine set so long ago went, they’d both fall asleep mere inches away from the other. Comforted by the closeness of the other and the warmth of their mingled bodies.

XXX

Eren was still the ass he was now. The suicidal actions and titan-killing mindset always managed to grind against the small set of nerves Jean had for the guy. They clashed like the waves against a shore they’ve never once gotten to see in their fifteen or so years on the planet. Fighting against each other for no discernible reason except to just have an outlet to let every hanging over them loose.

Graduation was just months away and constantly held over the training squad’s heads as their trials and tribulations wound down to the final stretch. Final decisions were being made behind closed doors on which of the few that signed up for the army were worthy enough to make it into the top ranks. A highly prestigious place of honor; the only ticket into the Brigade where the soldiers lived the cushiony life that claimed the title as the King’s guard.

The stress was high and the stakes higher. Jean and the closest of his classmates were sure of their standings in the top spots but the rival between him and Jaeger was still pitted in hate and repulsion for the other that wasn’t warranted by facts but rather pure emotion. They hated each other for no reason whatsoever.

And that pretty much irritated the crap out of sweet old Marco. Enough for precious little Freckled Jesus to snap one day, clear out of the blue, and drag Jean’s bruised body towards the lining of trees yards away.

Jean stumbled behind as Marco dragged him further into the forest, out of sight and out of mind from Eren. He tries to get his feet back under him, his arms back by his sides, but the death grip Marco has over him is too strong for even him and he scowls at the back of his head.

It wasn’t hard to see from a mile away that there was a rift growing between the two. Sure they were thick as thieves, side by side when the other needed it and spaced enough that they never felt overwhelmed. But there was a tension that was palpable by the naked eye that neither strangers nor they could ever explain without creating an argument. 

An in that moment, Jean felt it light up inside of him like an explosion waiting to happen. It was fire set off by every bad thing that has happened since he ever joined the 104th training squad. His mind erasing anything that could possibly be repent-worthy and forgoing it for the rage that was so misplaced at the time that needed something to beat itself dead against.

He ripped his hands out of Marco’s as they made it closer to the ledge that night years ago. The sun was starting its path on setting over the hills far away and the tones and flames of light as it set into twilight would’ve awed both of them into silence if it weren’t for the fear the doused Marco’s eyes in the moment that made Jean’s self-hate inside of him stoke the fire even further.

His mouth opens, his thoughts already a jumble of words that Jean doesn’t even understand what he’s saying at Marco until it’s already out. “Why? What do you want, Marco? Why are you doing all of this?” He yells it, the groan in his throat and ringing in his ears telling him even that much. He feels every word grating its way out of his mouth but there’s no restraint as he lets it all out; letting every insecurity fall straight into the mud between them as the crickets and frogs seems to silence in favor of listening to the show that Jean’s putting out on their turf.

“Why do you fucking care so much if I wanna fucking beat Jaeger’s ass to a pulp?”

“Jean-” Marco mutters. Jean cuts him off, his mouth rambling too fast for his head to catch up and stop him.

“Why do you get to stop me? Why do you always stop me? Why can’t you just let me finish him off and then it’ll be over.”

Marco takes a deep breath as Jean lets his mind catch back up to the rest of him. His voice wavers and Jean can tell that Marco’s just as much on the edge as he is. “Jean. What if you get hurt, huh? What am I supposed to do when you get hurt and I know I could’ve stopped it from even happening?”

Jean shakes his head, his entire vision shaking as his hair whips around and smacks him in the eyes; his bangs are starting to grow out. Something Marco usually took care of when everyone is told to cut their hair. He doesn’t care. Marco’s _usualness_ doesn’t matter right now. “Why the fuck you care so much about what happens to me?”

It’s in the air between them. The sparks from the months beforehand forgotten and brought to accumulate between them as every memory of holding hands threaten to disappear for the look of hurt written across Marco’s face. They were falling apart but so were everyone else. The tension of graduation was heavy and everyone wanted to make sure there were no faults on grades and ranks and had started to forgo more important things.

Jean had started to forget everything about Marco. He was forgetting why it mattered that Marco was close by in the dead of night when it was obviously better to have a comfortable amount of space to move around as you rested from a day of training. He forgot why sitting with someone that always knew how to make conversation mattered when he could review strategies and demos in his head and mute out the loud yelling in the kitchens. He couldn’t remember why so many hours were wasted outside when he could’ve been resting and preparing for the next day.

And Marco could’ve slapped him. He should’ve slapped him.

Instead Jean’s ears were ringing as he stared back at Marco with wide eyes as he mumbled a reply. “Because I love you, you asshole.”

Marco may have been an angel. A true blue Freckled Jesus for many, but he also didn’t take shit. Not even from Jean.

Jean froze in his shuffling, his heart racing and his mouth fumbling over his thoughts again as he tries to say something. He tried to get himself to focus on forming something coherent to say back at Marco, all bite in his rant vanished and filled with guilt and warmth as Jean stared back at Marco. The show still playing as everything around remained silent and all Jean could focus on was the way the edges of Marco’s eyes were wetter than Jean’s ever seen them be.

They were wetter and closer than they were just five minutes ago.

Marco’s lips press against him and there’s a fervor to them that wasn’t ever there in their encounters before. Sure they’d kissed numerous times since that first time, touches lingering over the other’s bodies and sliding and moving along with the other, but this was different.

The static that had sparked itself before felt stronger as Jean felt himself moving backwards along the much greener path of their trail. His back collided with the sturdy trunks adorned with their initials and Jean groaned at the feeling of Marco’s body hovering over his own and the support digging into his back. His own hands roamed everywhere over Marco; digging into the soft black hair over him that was getting too long as well and traveling down to linger over the small of Marco’s back.

Feeling the push against his lips and letting himself open further for Marco, Jean lets his hands roam lower as practically gasps into Marco’s open mouth as their hips press harder against each other. Both of them now very much aware at the state the other is in.

Marco’s hands linger against the front of Jean’s chest, sliding from its grip around Jean’s neck to fall down to his bony hips that always managed to jut out no matter what he wore and how much he ate. Jean moaned as he felt the pads of Marco’s thumbs press against the dips of his hipbones as Marco pushed him further into the bark of the trees behind him; both of them grinding against the other’s leg in search for some kind of friction.

The kiss is better than anything they’ve ever done before and Jean can feel the tension before them leaving him as it pools itself low inside him and he feels it all in his toes. He needed to get closer and Marco’s the first to recognize the need.

He pulls away, only long enough to latch his lips down the side of Jean’s jaw to work its way down his throat; Jean moaning louder the entire way down. Marco chuckles out how verbal Jean seems to be and he gets a swift slap to his upper arm for the trouble but continues his ministrations nonetheless. As Marco’s lips travel lower as he makes his way to suck and bite against the clean skin lain before him, ensuring to leave his mark, his hands travel with it as they latch onto the front of Jean’s pants.

A rough palm, splintered from years of slamming into trees and dragging against the ground, pushes slowly against the front of Jean’s pants. A small whimper leaves Jean’s lips and Marco takes it at full value as he starts fumbling with the buttons and zippers in front of him.

Jean’s hands do the same, both of them now a bumbling mess that has both of them laughing over how nervous they both are. Once the chill of the night air hits their heated skin and a hiss leaves their mouths at the slightest touch, the sounds of laughter tune into quiet moans and groans and encouragement as they both work at each other.

The reminder that the other was still there as lips latched onto any kind of open skin in front of them. Marco leaving kisses as Jean’s flicked his wrist in the right way and Jean mouthing down the side of Marco’s ears and sinking teeth behind one of them as those same fingers that had dug into his hips trailed along the tip of his dick.

Feeling the other, being together like that, was enough for both of them. It was the reminder that Jean needed and as he felt himself reaching the edge, his head turned, he could look up at just barely find the letters etched into the grains.

XXX

They don’t go further.

They’d promised to hold off on anything until after graduation.

XXX

They’d promised so much after graduation. And it’d all disappeared with the clangs and crash of the titans destroying the walls. Marco was gone from him forever in that small second where Jean didn’t know where he’d gone off to and the constant ringing in his ears from the sounds of sirens blaring through the streets and the screams of people being taken and eaten felt the constant reminder that he should’ve been more aware. He should’ve been with Marco when he’d died.

He should’ve been there to save him. He should’ve been there in place of him. Marco should be the one living not him.

But it was too late for that. A moment gone by and the wall now a broken reminder of all that everyone had lost.

People lost families and friends. Their comrades were lost in the act of war against the titans and Jean felt the guilt as all his mind could replay was the moment he’d found Marco in the streets – covered in his own blood.

Seconds ticked by as he watched the flames grow higher as the body counts set ablaze grew with it. There was so much loss. So much gone now because of those monsters outside the wall. Because of the monsters that hid inside the walls and lied about their motives. They lived within their ranks and Jean knew joining the Brigade would only be too much time idling around – remembering the images vividly as time slowed down for him and he felt suffocation take over from the fumes of the burning dead.

He’d relapse and remember finding Marco; remember the feeling of his lips on his own as they fumbled through the overgrown roots and stumbled through nervous hands placed erratically over the other’s body. He needed to get away from that – keep his hands busy.

And as everyone else felt the surge and will to do so with him, he and a number of the Top 10 of the 104th training squad enlisted into the Scouting Legion

XXX

Eren was still the suicidal asshole he was that first year of training. His actions motivated by the thirst for revenge.

All Jean could see was the need for some kind of redemption. Eren felt horrible and multiple nights of finding the boy a total wreck in the horses stalls or the kitchen crying to himself in the corner, Jean understood the guilt that must’ve followed over his shoulders as well. Eren blamed himself just as much as Jean did for what happened to Marco but on the much grander scale. The wrecking ball of sixteen year old could only blame himself for not saving more people; for not knowing of his powers and being useless for so long.

Jean should’ve stayed away but with every midnight walk down the hallway for a glass of water left him finding a sobbing Eren, the feeling inside his chest built up brick by brick, keeping his feet planted underneath him.

He couldn’t let another one of them die; he couldn’t let Eren, a vital part of this stupid plan Erwin had set them up on, fall apart at the seams and the small prick of nonexistent fingers at the base of his spine, the small of his back, told Jean that Marco would’ve said the very same. Eren was important to this and if he was important to the lives of humanity, then he was important to Jean. And anything important to Jean didn’t go unscathed but they did come out remembered for what they’d done.

So Jean lets himself get swept away on the missions, following close behind his friends, making sure that they all came back after near-death experiences. He stays with what becomes Levi’s Squad 2.0 and tries to not so much become the mother hen. Marco would’ve been that.

Marco should’ve been that.

But what’s done is done and Jean travels on and on towards the direction of Shinganshina.

XXX

They said it was “over” after a couple of years.

The home for a lost key found and the intel hidden behind basement doors scavenged through.

Hanji spent most of six months solely on looking through the boxes and crates of information until they’d found what they were searching so long for. A different key. The key to unlocking the dark history of the titans.

With the wall closed with the crystallized form of Eren’s titan, soldiers and legions were sent across the land inside the walls to defeat the titans. Every last one defeated and left to steam into oblivion and melt against the earth. They disappeared right in front of their eyes and it didn’t take long for the gates of the inner walls to open and for the rebuilding of a civilization to begin.

Walls were built up and houses redone and resurrected from the dead and although it took years, Wall Maria stood proud along the edges of Shinganshina, keeping the people hidden behind it safe.

Jean plays his role in all of it as far as the command takes him. His sole motivation that day when he can walk through the streets and wonder how it would feel with a hand slid against his own without a worry about when the attacks will come. He follows his orders until the day comes when the group of those from the 104th that survived are brought into the courts and appointed their new positions. Jean follows orders until he becomes the new head to do so.

XXX

The role of Commander wasn’t a hard choice to take one. Years of building up the knowledge and skill alongside humanity’s strongest and humanity’s second strongest as well as probably humanity’s most reckless had built Jean up for just about any job that would be required of him.

The stakes were less high now as the walls and homes rebuilt from the war stood proud. Hanji’s plans to eradicate the titans once and for all were a lot to say the least but their plans weren’t as far-fetched anymore as they would’ve sounded years before. This was doable and somehow manageable and if the higher-ups deemed Jean capable of leading a force of hundreds into whatever convoluted plan Hanji had thought of, then there was no reason to argue. It was his duty to serve the people and the people needed someone strong.

Or at least someone that could play the game to their favor.

The recruits, the little fresh meat straight out of training, had begun their bumbling towards the areas of the field that housed their choosing destinations. The tables for the Garrison as crowded as they always were stood across the way and Jean could see the indecision written over the faces of children. Faces that mirrored remarkably with Jean’s just a decade ago.

He smirks as the mass of people converge towards where they’ve set their rosters, his own men and women surprised as pens are snatched and names are scrawled in messy chicken scratch as he looks on from his place at the front podium.

Word had gotten out about the coming mission. An “adventure” outside the walls for the entire Legion that didn’t involve a final destination but a final word. Hanji’s plans lain out were promising and with the okay, Jean had set their sails to implement them as soon as possible. The mission was risky and losses were sure to occur, but hopes were high and heads held higher for a new beginning.

Jean watches as sheets of papers are filled and replaced with fresh ones ready to be suffused by drying ink.

He’d join the group of misfits out of some kind of head-strong attempt at finding redemption for something that he shouldn’t have felt so guilty for. His misplaced feeling edging him right into the core of a war that he didn’t care so much for until he was already in too deep. And it’d worked out.

And he didn’t regret a single second of it.

But as Jean watches the groups of friends signing up together and chatting about their hopes and plans in the Legion, all Jean could do was watch himself take those steps down the large field after waving off his subordinates. His feet dragging him towards the edges of trees he’d never forgotten.

He paced himself but soon he found himself following an invisible trail that nobody could ever have known. A trail that led him into the smallest of clearings that was soon-to-be overwhelmed by the growing foliage. Jean leaned his body back and let his feet slide forward to sit on the dry ground at the base of one of the trees. The lake was still there and although there wasn’t a moon out to shine down and reflect itself into the clean water, Jean could make out the waves as clear as the day. His hands itched along the grass around him as he let his head fall back and closed his eyes.

The air around him was the same – clean and warm in the summer heat and filled with the noises of the animals traipsing around in search for food. Jean’s hands slide and move along the rough bark of trees that’ve grown since the last time he was here. A memory so long ago it felt like a fairytale he probably heard when he was just a kid. A story that his mother would tell him over a chest-warming fire about the boy that fell in love and lost it all.

His eyes open up to the sight of the tree’s canopy; his eyes searching for those little lost letters etched so long ago.

He finds them without any trouble.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and kudos. You can yell at me if you'd like but I'll just turn around and yell at [acemockingjay](http://acemockingjay.tumblr.com/) for egging me into writing him sad headcanons. Thank you!!
> 
>  
> 
> [mamaarachne](http://mamaarachne.tumblr.com/)


End file.
